Now they think the WORLD of eachother, and seemingly..

nothing of me.

Whatever. I can be alone because im always alone.

I know what its like to feel alone, and thats why i stay alone, because i never want to feel alone again.

Sometimes the only one that i feel cares about me is Alan, because he cares about everyone.

I dont know why im friends with these people, and im sure if we didnt do the same "extra-curricular" activies

we wouldnt be friends at all.

--

Or maybe im taking all my anger towards Terri out on my friends. I read her the "My Mother Considers Me Cinderella" poem thats going to be published and she hung up on me because she was so offended and i havent talked to her in 3 weeks.

She hates me, i know it. She wishes that i wasnt born because i was an accident and she was probably tripping on something when she decided that she wanted to keep me.

my mother wants:

1) me to fail

2) to make me feel guilty about her leaving me.

3) me to feel exactly like she does.

these are three things that i cannot do. I'm sorry, its just impossible for me to feel what i dont feel and say what i dont want to say, and oppress the feelings that AM feeling.

its a funny feeling when you realize that nobody really loves you, that they're just obligated to.

<3

megan