Daddy doesnt want his daughter to be a disgrace to our family-just because he has money and it looks bad if I have a bad face. Doesn't he understand sometimes that I need attention? I'm not a fucking piece of furniture, a decoration in his home. So FUCK him. FUCK everyone. I am floating. Hopefully I will float away, like a red balloon towards the moon.

Alan knew I wouldn't resist the offer. Of course I did what he told me to because Alan is one of the only people i trust. And if i have to take substances to even be artifically happy than its worth it okay?

Being everything to everyone doesn't compensate for your friends' safety.

It doesnt keep your best friend from flipping her car, and cutting herself up. Happiness doesnt make the world go round people. Happiness blinds people, puts them in a fog, so they cant tell up from down. And even though you may say that I am 'burying' my pain with these substances, you are wrong. I am only beginning to see a clearer, more realistic picture,

without the phony happiness

and the smiley faces.

<3]